The University of Karachi (KU) has been home to intellectual discussions and scholarly rendezvous since time immemorial. Academic finesse is ubiquitous here and I have always found myself inspired while walking through its corridors and thinking about all the greats who have walked the same path before me. The university has had the privilege to host esteemed guests at its various ceremonies – it has seen the likes of Haseena Moin, Ibne Insha, Zia Mohyeddin and many other legends who have come and inspired students with their lectures. Contemporary celebrities like Fawad Khan, Mahira Khan, Kamila Shamsie, Sania Saeed, Dr Abdul Qadeer Khan and others have also recently shown their support for the institute’s many social causes. On top of this, hoards of foreign social workers, activists, journalists, teachers, scholars, politicians, diplomats and more have graced this university with their presence. And I am proud to say that I have been a witness to their magic in KU. Therefore, when I first heard the news of Ayyan Ali coming to KU as a guest lecturer for the Department of Public Administration to inaugurate a department-level business venture, I was taken aback. Keeping aside the fact that Ayyan is already underway a case trial for money laundering, what bothered me more was that she has absolutely no experience in terms of public relations, administration and has zero expertise when it comes to fast food venture (which is what the project was about). So why was she there in the first place? There are so many people who could have been invited in her place, who would have been more apt, like Muniba Mazari (entrepreneur) or Jehan Ara (online social activist) for example. This was a poor choice and the department should understand that. However, having said that, I wish to raise another issue which surfaced after this news broke, and that is the over-the-top, blown-out-of-proportion media coverage that was given to this fairly harmless issue. Why our media and our journalist community felt the need to make a mountain out of a mole here is beyond my cunning. Does Ayyan coming to KU to give a lecture on entrepreneurship merit news bulletins after news bulletins dedicated to its coverage? If no, then why was she plastered on every news channel? Perhaps it is because everyone knows that Ayyan – like many other public figures – sells tremendously and covering her would help media organisation fill the void that they have created by not catering for news-worthy content. Had it been any other guest coming to KU for a good cause, would our media have covered it like this? Absolutely not. I have seen many causes die down just because they did not get the spotlight they deserved. Furthermore, I cannot help but see an underlying misogyny in our reprimand for Ayyan. I mean, this is the same university that gave Rehman Malik an honorary doctorate for God-knows what; so why do we feel offended now? And Ayyan isn’t the first controversial guest to come to KU, we have had a number of political and religious outfits who have come to KU to “share their knowledge”, so why the hype now? My question is, had it been a man in place of her, would we still care about this news as much? Had it been a male politician charged with money laundering, would we still have felt as indignant as we do right now? No, we wouldn’t have. And I know this because our people are more accepting of male criminals than female criminals. The fact that we had one such imprisoned individual as our president for a good eight years testifies our leniency towards the male stratum. Ayyan has been called all sorts of vile things ever since this news broke out and the vitriol has been exceptionally misogynistic – we all need to accept that. Perhaps before we decide to sit on our high horses and go on a witch hunt for Ayyan, we should address our own double standards and learn to treat everyone equally, irrespective of gender.

The year 2015 will be hosting its 14^th Lux Style Awards (LSA) ceremony. LSA is almost a teenager now, but instead of turning out to be a rebellious punk with a killer sense of style, it’s turned out to be a meek wallflower in dowdy dungarees. I say that because during the 14 years of its existence, I can’t recall a single memorable dance performance or a tear-jerking speech by any Pakistani actor or actress. For that matter, no outfit on the red carpet left any impression either; no glamorous gown, sari or dress left me absolutely stunned. We pause our lives to watch the Oscars, write thesis-long posts about each of the dresses worn by the leggy actresses, and torrent all the nominated films during commercial breaks. Even the International Indian Film Academy Awards (IIFA) performances are Youtubed through proxies and replicated at desi weddings from Delhi to Dharampura. So why do we treat the ‘Oscars’ of Pakistan like the Razzies? Now don’t go on blaming poor LSA for this travesty. The real problem isn’t the ceremony itself but how blah our ‘style’ dictators (event/entertainment managers) are. In this world of click-bait and virality, our entertainment gurus need to up their game for some serious eye-balling and tongue-wagging. So here are some ideas. 1. Fawad Khan and Mahira Khan pull a Notebook Okay, censor boards and morality won’t allow these two to kiss on stage like that passionate Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams lip affair, but the least they could do is enact that really steamy scene from Humsafar when Khirad’s safaid (white) dupatta almost shows a fraction of her seedhi maang (straight parting) and Asher almost makes eye contact with her for a fraction of a millisecond. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Twitter[/caption] 2. Mathira slips the tongue I’m thinking Molty Foam fingers, nude cholis and a mohawk sported by controversy queen Mathira? Too much? Okay twerking Punjabi style? Still too much? Groping Ali Zafar on stage? No? For God’s sake, will you let the poor woman at least accidently slip off her top on stage? 3. Sadaf Kanwal trips How can a size -zero drop dead gorgeous woman make herself more relatable and endearing to all size-50 wearing, average looking women? Well, drop down to her knees, of course! We all love a good dramatic fall from grace. And who better to fall down on the red carpet than this bushy eye browed beauty, who was accidently discovered at a salon in Karachi and then went on to compete in Veet Miss Super Model? If she says some Punjabi expletives on her way down, we’ll love her even more. 4. Model Jahan-e-Khalid wears a swan dress Okay, so I have two wishes in life before I die. 1. I want to see Jahan-e-Khalid shirtless 2. I want to get over my insane crush on Jahan-e-Khalid What better way to achieve both objectives than to get him to come to the event wearing nothing but a Bjork inspired swan dress. Swans too girly for this male model? How about a horse thrown around his muscular shoulders? No? How about a dog wrapped around his waist? How about a turban made from choohas (mice)? No? I’m going to die unfulfilled!  5. Deepak Perwani pulls a Kanye West on Urwa Hocane Urwa Hocane is the local embodiment of Taylor Swift. She’s young, fun and everywhere. You can’t turn a corner without seeing her face on a billboard or change a channel without seeing her in a drama. So we can totally understand if Deepak Perwani got a little bit flustered and went on stage, grabbed the mic, and ruined this doe-eyed young beauty’s big moment and started rapping about how someone else deserves to win that category altogether. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xp326j_taylor-swift-vma-award-moment-ruined-by-kanye-west_music[/embed]

It is the first day of January of 2016. Yes, the New Year has begun. We are all a bit older, wiser, and sadly, a little closer to death. Naturally, this is the perfect time to look back at some of the news stories that made headlines in Pakistan and across the world. Girls at Dhabas: For Pakistanis worn down by the taxing life of the big city, nothing quite reignites the brain cells like a good cup of doodh pati (tea). Sold at dhabas (roadside restaurants), these delicious cups of hot tea brewed in milk are consumed by the masses at every corner of the country with great regularity. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Indiegogo[/caption] While women aren’t barred from dhabas, they aren’t as regular a fixture at these small tea shops as men due to various social norms. When regular tea consuming friends Sadia Khatri, Natasha Ansari, Rabeea Arif and Najia Khan, decided to confront the gender disparity, they started the hashtag #girlsatdhaba. Little did they know that their movement would take on a life of its own. Today, the initiative has thousands of fans on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr. #girlsatdhaba has been covered by news websites such as The Express Tribune and Buzzfeed, and has even caught on in the neighbouring India. This, of course, is fantastic. The patriarchal mindset of Pakistani society will start changing when women reclaim their social spaces. Our men need to become accustomed to seeing single or groups of women in public settings without male escorts. I, for one look, forward to #girlsonscooters #girlsinjeans and #girlsdrivingtaxis as the next Pakistani social movements. Pakistan demands return of Koh-i-Noor diamond from Britain: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="640"] Photo: Reuters[/caption] After some Indians sued England’s Queen Elizabeth for the return of the Koh-i- Noor diamond, many Pakistanis scoffed,

“You’re kidding right? Ranjit Singh’s capital was Lahore. His empire was in Pakistan. He was born in a Pakistani city. His granddaughter died a Pakistani. OK so it was India at the time… but still!”

“See… see?”

“What? Have they even been to Karachi?”

“In this case, the online dating portal Miss Travel did conduct a survey to collect opinions on ‘the Sexiest Nationalities’, but they were based on one sample male from different countries as an example. And the only contribution from Pakistan to that list was Zayn Malik, a 22-year-old born and bred in Bradford, United Kingdom, and whose remotest relation to Pakistan is that his father hails from this country.

But did the article-churning, social media sharing machines care? Nope. Every single post that has been circulated ever since this story went viral has pictures of Pakistani celebrities like Hamza Ali Abbasi, Fawad Khan, Ali Zafar, and Imran Khan plastered all over the place. Were they even a part of this survey? Did any of the participating 66,309 American females ever see even so much as a photograph of these celebrities before they hit Zayn Malik’s name on that opinion poll questionnaire? Highly unlikely.”

“Ho Mann Jahaan”, apparently among Pakistan’s most anticipated films, released recently to packed houses and rave reviews. While there's enough in the film to keep you glued to the seats, Pakistan has definitely seen better films lately. An amazing soundtrack, a boisterous star-cast, decent acting, ample use of flashy colours, spectacular cinematography and some great locales are some of the film’s strong points. However, there's more to the film; and far more shades of grey that go well in one flick. So here’s a round-up of the deeper meanings and greater life lessons from “Ho Mann Jahaan”. No spoilers are given here, partly because there’s not much to give from the plot-line! 1. Boys and girls can never really be friends. You might be buddies for life and all that, but all your friends from the opposite gender are eventually going to hit on you - it’s just a matter of time. Yes, even if your female best friend is committed to your male best friend. However, it totally depends on you if you prefer sweeping all this awkwardness under the carpet and are intent upon showing absolutely killer moves on “Shakar Wandaan” with the very same friends. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Facebook- Ho Mann Jahaan Official[/caption] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOCO6FrxD4M 2. You might belong to the lower strata of society, and may also carry your humble foundations on your arm; but that won't stop you from looking dapper at will. Also, you can deliberately pronounce monotonous as mo-no-tone-ous to convince us of your lack of privileges, but owing to your showy friends and high-profile (and Sheheryar Munawar looks), that still comes across as a totally acceptable pronunciation and we start doubting our own. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Facebook- Ho Mann Jahaan Official[/caption] [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Facebook- Ho Mann Jahaan Official[/caption] 3. Your life might be a complete mess, replete with all the tragedies that would give “Umrao Jaan” a run for her money; but all these problems come with a simplistic-to-the-point-of-stupid solution. You can always end up having (or feigning, if you’re strong-nerved) a nervous break-down and you are done: happy endings! So yeah, you just need a hospital admission or Mahira Khan to rescue you from life. The second one might not always work, so we’re sticking with the former. And so is Adeel Hussain! [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Screenshot[/caption] [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Facebook- Ho Mann Jahaan Official[/caption] 4. Speaking of which, it has been sadly revealed that there’s only so much you can digest (and appreciate) in the name of Mahira Khan. And this is something coming from a person who watched “Bin Roye” twice for her. You might have a great cast to begin with, but you cannot expect it to swim across the ocean and come out alive if your script is tissue-paper thin. 5. Cameos might have registered themselves as the ‘in’ thing, but they are sure to be met with indifference (or worse, yawns) if they do little to compliment the story-line. Who would've thought that the sight of heart-throbs like Fawad Khan, Zohaib Hassan, Zeb Bangash and Hamza Ali Abbasi would be met with such a deafening silence. Or maybe it was just the Lahori cinema I watched the movie in. - Parents will always understand you at the end of the day, and vice versa. In this Pakistani version of “Taare Zameen Par”, with exceedingly more aged and better looking actors - the relationship between parents and kids uses a convenient brush-up. This movie must be mandatory watching for all the parents out there. They’re sure to come out as better ones afterwards. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Facebook- Ho Mann Jahaan Official[/caption] 6. If you’re single and a bit too eager to mingle, friends’ mehndis are where you should be heading. You can always count on finding a hot, compatible, eligible match for you. (Hint: they will approach you with all the Bollywood clichés - your table is empty and they’ll ask if they can take a seat; followed by the usual - ‘I don't really know many people here!’). To which you’re like, “Hell, baby. Now you know me well-enough. For life, that is!” [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Facebook- Ho Mann Jahaan Official[/caption] [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Facebook- Ho Mann Jahaan Official[/caption] [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Facebook- Ho Mann Jahaan Official[/caption] 7. Your dad might be a border-line fanatic, but he’ll just accept you if you're strong-headed enough. And he won’t go berserk after barring you from stopping music and then seeing you on national television out of the blue. You just have to present him, very sweetly, an invitation to your wedding (about which, again, he has no idea), and he will be there to bless you in all his might. Well the film has already been playing for a bit too long, so we’re too tired to question the sanity of this! [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Facebook- Ho Mann Jahaan Official[/caption] 8. When they say a film is made on the editing table, they aren’t kidding. A film can always (and I repeat, always) use some sleek editing. And then some more of it. If you’re bent upon dwelling on all the unnecessary bits, go for a TV drama instead. Those things run for years, but there might as well be a reason why more directors all around the world are going for shorter movies. 9. Someone might be flawless. But that does not save them from bagging a role that is meatless. Ask Sonya Jehan! [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Facebook- Ho Mann Jahaan Official[/caption] [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Facebook- Ho Mann Jahaan Official[/caption] 10. Songs are imperative for a film, especially when its counting on them so heavily. Also, it is smart to save your best song for last. That way you can assure that the people remain seated to the very end. Otherwise they might leave the hall in search of greener pastures half-way through the film. 11. Everyone is selfish. Everyone uses you for their own good, eventually (especially the men). But stay tuned: Everyone also learns a lesson somehow and then competes with Mother Teresa in selflessness. Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration there - but given the promising trailers and mammoth-like publicity, so is this film. [embed width-"620" height="348"]https://vimeo.com/142850097[/embed] [poll id="399"]

All right, now here is a definitive list of all the people who under no circumstances can miss out on the chance to watch Kapoor & Sons while they can. The perfect elder child - Rahul Kapoor (Fawad Khan) [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Koimoi[/caption] If you are tired of living your life under the weight of all the expectations that come your way for acting to fulfil the ‘faultless child’ tag that you are burdened with and need to break free from the shackles of being eternally considered responsible. The quintessential black sheep – Arjun Kapoor (Sidharth Malhotra) [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Koimoi[/caption] If living forever under the shadow of a successful sibling, always thought off as second best and immature has worn you out. The estranged couple - Harsh Kapoor (Rajat Kapoor) and Sunita (Ratna Pathak Shah) [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Screenshot[/caption] If constant bickering about anything and everything, right down from a leaked pipe all the way up to the serious business of household finances, is slowly eating up your already gone sour relationship. The happy go lucky daddu (Grandpa) – Amarjeet Kapoor (Rishi Kapoor) [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Screenshot[/caption] And finally, if you are a weed-smoking, porn-watching octogenarian who is acting as the glue for a family slowly crumbling under the load of anger and resentment, then you better stop whatever the hell it is that you are doing right now and go grab yourself a ticket, because nothing can be as bizarrely therapeutic as watching the latest release from Dharma productions, Kapoor & Sons. [embed width-"620" height="348"]https://vimeo.com/154953351[/embed] It’s not just what has been noted above that will help all of you out there in a similar predicament to empathise with in the film. The fact every member of the Kapoor clan has additional skeletons in their respective closets is what makes this dysfunctional family such a curatively riveting watch. As for the rest of you, I bet you all have personal demons of your own that Kapoor & Sons can surely help exorcise. On the face of it, it is a relatively simple drama. Kapoor & Sons is the story of a mercurial Punjabi khaandaan (family) where the ever squabbling pair of ageing parents (Rajat and Ratna) have two sons, Rahul and Arjun who are not on the best of terms with each other. With such strained relationship dynamics this ought to be a recipe for dinner table disaster. But fear not, things aren’t coming to a head any meal-time soon since the brothers are living entirely separate lives in London and New Jersey. The perfect elder one, Rahul, is a bestselling novelist based in London. While the younger one, Arjun, is a struggling writer and a drifter, currently working as a bartender in New Jersey. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Screenshot[/caption] One fine day, the quirky grandfather (Rishi Kapoor) whose favourite prank is playing dead, actually suffers a heart attack and the separated siblings are summoned back home to be by his side and all familial hell breaks loose. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Screenshot[/caption] What follows is a household that’s teetering on the brink. Seething with bitterness, yet busy with the daily chores of life – like all dysfunctional families – the Kapoor clan too is always just one dinner-time talk away from reconciliation, but yet at the same time, also just one small act away from completely unravelling into total disintegration. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Screenshot[/caption] But there is still one person who is obliviously enjoying the reunion: daddu. Now having experienced death at close quarters with the attack, the eccentric patriarch of the family has a simple final wish. A family photograph! But amidst all the Kapoor madness, this straightforward desire turns out to be anything but. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Ndtv[/caption] This could be the account of any family anywhere and that is what makes Kapoor & Sons special. The drama is a bitter-sweet slice of your own life. It could have been Sardar & Sons or even Khan & Sons. Heck! ‘Put your own family name’ & Sons, could very well have been the title of the movie, for each of you would find your life parallel to the narrative of the movie at some indeterminate point. The tale is fascinatingly engaging despite being rooted in the everyday. You might even describe the plot as wafer-thin but what sets it apart from others is the command that Shakun Batra, the director has on the art of storytelling. Watching the trailer you could be forgiven for confusing Kapoor & Sons as yet another archaic love troika from the stables of Karan Johar. Despite Alia Bhatt’s introduction as a potential trigger to the ticking time bomb that is the edgy Kapoor siblings’ relation, the film steers clear of the Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (1998) and Kal Ho Naa Ho (2003) variety of regressive storytelling. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Screenshot[/caption] Alia plays her hyper, ditzy, blonde girl act yet again and along with Sidharth Malhotra, the duo is the weakest of the lot in terms of acting. It actually might be a little harsh to bracket Siddharth with Alia, mainly because he was saddled with a one-toned character and would have performed a lot better had his younger-brother character been crafted in a layered manner. https://www.instagram.com/p/BCHkccAtLCm? [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Screenshot[/caption] But there were no such characterisation issues with the elder sibling, Fawad Khan who owns the movie with his nuanced performance. His range of complex emotions is a total show-stealer and without giving too much away, hats off to him for displaying some real artistic cojones, playing a complex multi-layer character that no other leading Bollywood actor would have dared touched with a barge pole. Rajat Kapoor and Ratna Pathak Shah play the almost alienated couple with much ease. The pair manages to showcase love and resentment in a marriage so well, that they will remind you of your own parents. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Screenshot[/caption] Rishi Kapoor with all the prosthetic work, as the slightly naughty, partly grumpy and completely hedonistic grandfather, lusting after Mandakini in a wet sari from Ram Teri Ganga Maili (1985), is the cherry atop this captivating familial cake. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Screenshot[/caption] The choice of setting, the town of Coonoor is a spectacular idea and the cinematography does the hill station full justice by capturing the freshness with frames where you can, well, almost smell the greenery. https://www.instagram.com/p/3yoFcZC-7W? Dialogues are as un-Bollywoodish as you can imagine with a lot of subtext and nothing silly, forced or fake about the lines. Speaking of lines, there is one in Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina regarding families.

 “All happy families are alike, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

Kapoor and Sons has garnered much success after its release, grossing over INR100 crore globally within just one week. But apart from its box-office triumph, the film has also received acclaim for bringing topics such as infidelity and homosexuality, once considered taboo, to the forefront of upper-middle class family dynamics.  Director Karan Johar must be given credit for cleverly casting an actor that women swoon over to break the stereotypical image of gay men in our society. However, it seems Fawad Khan may have committed to the movie before having completely thought it through; his effortless and convincing acting may have done wonders for gay men in India, but the same can’t be said across borders. Not even a little. In Pakistan, homosexuality is a tricky subject. Some may accept it or believe in it. But most people will seek comfort in the deafening silence that comes with the subject. In 2010, a man and a eunuch in Peshawar were put behind bars for allegedly being wed in a private ceremony. The accused, however, said the police falsely arrested them for a crime they hadn’t committed. What followed though was the belief, held by many, that the floods that occurred the following year were ultimately God’s punishment against such ‘evil’. In a country where even a harmless women’s protection bill is hard to pass without controversy and strong opposition, homosexuality remains an issue people prefer not even commenting on and are conditioned to denounce. In my childhood, I was told that even uttering the word ‘pig’ out loud was considered a sin, which is why I referred to it as ‘P’ or ‘P-I-G’. Similarly, in Kapoor and Sons, the protagonist was meant to be a homosexual, yet, the use of the word ‘gay’ was completely omitted. Interestingly, in a recent interview of Fawad with Rajeev Masand, our very own homeboy blushed when asked about his reluctance towards onscreen intimacy. He explained that Pakistani audiences that frequent the cinemas are not ready for cinematic intimacy as it is something they have not really been exposed to. These movies are intended for families. By using sex education as an example, Fawad explains that when it comes to sex, parents find themselves in a tough spot; they have to educate their children on what they find uncomfortable to address and what the children are completely clueless about. Keeping the same logic in mind with respect to homosexuality, when families watch such movies together, how are parents supposed to explain why Fawad’s onscreen mother cannot accept who he is? And well, what is he, exactly? We witnessed how a majority of middle-class people were all praises for Pakistan’s king of controversy Hamza Ali Abbasi and his Facebook status on the legalisation of gay marriage in Pakistan, This post was shared over a 100 times. Every ‘like’ it received is self-explanatory. A more recent example is that of a popular English newspaper that self-censored its international partner’s story on homosexuality: a picture of two men pecking was removed, leaving behind the white space of the newspaper. Despite many liberal voices calling out the move as a defiance of freedom of press, the majority, who tend to disagree with upper-class ideologies, lauded the efforts. This doesn’t come as a shock to us, considering we pacify our close mindedness by classifying natural calamities as forms of punishment. This problem requires our immediate attention. This all explains why, when I was watching Kapoor and Sons at the cinema, the unanimous gasps that followed the plot twist illustrated a silent furore. The laughter of 20-somethings that ensued shortly after revealed just how insensitive and ignorant we can be. A plot twist, that was meant to be serious, transformed into light-hearted humour with comments like, “Niki toh larka nikla” and “Apna bhai toh gay hai” followed by more unapologetically loud giggles. In another interview that aired after the release of the movie, Fawad defended his decision to play a gay character:

“A friend of mine gave me the example of Zia Mohyeddin, who is a very famous Pakistani actor ... He played the role of a eunuch in one of his films. That was a time when people would make fun of eunuchs. So, it was a very bold move. Mohyeddin thought that a normal person would be interested in a movie if the content is good. That interest would get heightened if one put an anomaly in it, like the unlikely character of a eunuch in the plot,”

The drama industry in Pakistan has grown exponentially and is a very valuable export of ours. These dramas have turned Fawad Khan and Mahira Khan into household names. For Pakistanis living abroad, they serve as a potent link to life back home and provide a much needed break from reality. However, there is still room for improvement. One particular thing that really irks me is the propensity to show violence against women on screen. There have been numerous incidents where a young member of my own family might be playing with a toy and they are suddenly transfixed to the TV screen, because they can hear loud screaming and women being pushed around like cattle. I have to think quickly and change the channel to avoid any permanent emotional damage being done to them. Just like smoking on screen includes a cautionary proviso in small print underneath the screen that it’s dangerous for health, some of these dramas should come with a warning that the drama may be violent. If not that, they should at least cutback on the inherently distressing scenes being shown so brazenly. Just by way of example, there is one drama in which a woman is continuously harangued and vilified by her husband. He uses derogatory language against her all the time and even violence. She is pushed around, thrown onto a bed and treated just one step short of a trash can. What’s worse is that the wife quietly tolerates the abuse being meted out against her for the sake of her daughter. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMYglyBwWYI These images are not healthy. They are not helpful for women who are facing this reality every single day. This was just one example; there are many other dramas where women are either being violently abused, beaten and/or constantly faint upon facing extreme external pressure. Are our women so fragile and devoid of reason that they have to be shown like this? Why is fainting considered to be a way of dealing with our emotions?  Is this what actually happens in real life? I understand that the purpose behind such dramas is to mimic and exaggerate public life, but there is something very disturbing with the manner in which it is being shown on TV. These dramas try to harness drama, in every sense of the word, to exaggerate circumstances and make them entertaining for viewers. Not that I’m deriding the purpose behind how ‘dramatic’ these shows are, because that is their appeal. However, why is it always at a cost to gender? It’s as if there is no more creativity left in our television industry and they have to repeat similar narratives – the cheating husband, the domesticated wife, the loveless marriage. I, for one, wish these dramas would showcase stronger female role models; the kind that would not condone abuse at all, the kind that are not afraid to fight back. It is not at all acceptable to portray women as frail and deserving of such treatment because it allows violence to become acceptable and reinforces gender roles. Take a look at American television for instance. Scandal features an extremely strong and empowered woman in the realm of politics. People come to her to get their problems fixed. Friends is an amusing story of a group of friends who try to tackle everyday problems, while staying connected to one another. The three main female characters have never had to faint or endure any form of abuse. Tyrant features a royal middle-eastern family trying to combat a country that is plagued with terrorism and corruption. The women in this show are strong, powerful, and independent. Even Game of Thrones, set in a completely fictional world, where noble families fight for power – features women being just as involved in the fight for power. The mention of these television series by no means tries to compare the west with Pakistan. Despite how diverse these shows are from one another, they have all been successful at some point, if not always, even in our country, without having to succumb to projecting women as weak figures or being subjected to domestic abuse. A show’s success doesn’t demand women at the forefront all the time. But, it doesn’t mean that they need to be victims of abuse either. What we need is a strong script, an explosive cast and an excellent storyline to keep us glued to the screen. Instead, it’s all about women falling to the ground or being screamed and shouted at, or damsels in distress that need to be rescued by a rich man in his Corolla. There is still much work to be done to improve on our dramas and if they are being outsourced to foreign countries, then they need to start radically depicting our women as human instead of fodder for abuse.

Another fatwa about women has emerged from the glorious Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, a fatwa that declares the innocent enjoyment of a football match to be haram for women. After all, with the infamous wife-beating bill courtesy of the Council of Islamic Ideology (CII), Pakistan, KSA could hardly stand to be left behind. Of course they’ve graduated from wife-beating to wife-eating so now it’s on to figuratively invading the privacy of people’s homes and telling them what to watch on TV. Of course, it’s not okay for the civil society or legal bodies to figuratively invade homes, or work-places, or hospitals, or schools, or the streets by attempting to introduce laws against harassment, abuse and what-not but that is not the point of this article. The point of this article is to bring you the low down about why women do things. You see, we’re so deviously complicated that one can never take our actions at face value. We don’t do things like watching a football match because we happen to enjoy sports (the rules of football are far too complicated for us anyway). No sir, there is always a more sinister (not to mention completely and totally haram) reason. For example, women only watch television to stare at men (though that’s been pretty well established by the aforementioned fatwa). Why do you think Humsafar was so popular? Men, on the other hand, only watch TV for serious, life-altering reasons like the fate of the whole of Westeros (go team whoever-makes-Margaret-or-margerine (or whatever)-do-the-walk-of-atonement! Woo-hoo). This explains why women’s sports are so unpopular. Women love to shop because it gives them multiple opportunities to stare at and be stared at (or groped) by men and everyone knows that men hate shopping because they don’t care about such things. Women only study and get top marks nearly everywhere to secure admissions into co-ed universities so they can continue to stare and be stared at on a daily basis while trying to concentrate on, say, Fawad Khan. I know because I took a gender studies class and our final project was to make a video comparing various Pakistani actors and models on the basis of how hot they are*. Men, on the other hand, only study for the sake of true enlightenment and a progressive society. That’s how we became an atomic power, people. Women insist on having kids because it gives them the opportunity for more time in the public male gaze, hell, even hospital visits for serious medical issues are all for laughs. So, we’re really only pretending that we’re ‘driving the kids to school’ or ‘working to support our families’. That’s why there are so many women in various medical professions. Really, it’s all about the eye-candy. Cooking, you ask? A certain fatwa about vegetables will tell you all you need to know about why women are in the kitchen all the time. Also, all that time women spend on the phone? Yep, it’s to discuss and catalogue all the men we’ve come across on a particular day by age, height, weight and facial hair. We cannot even begin to explain to you the depths of our obsession with the opposite sex. We make fake Facebook accounts, try to ‘fraandship’ boys younger than us. We doctor photos for blackmail and coercion**.We hang out on pedestrian bridges, in-front of colleges and universities on our motorcycles (letting us get licences was a bad move by the way), we catcall, we stalk, we sometimes follow men home. We can also get violent, burning faces off with acid and cutting noses and ears. Gentlemen, we, the women of the world, have problems. No wait, we are the problem. After all, Pakistan is blessed with great natural beauty. I’m not talking about the mountains, I’m asking you to spare a moment to check out the doodh-wala (milk man) (you probably already do, you sly vixen) and you’ll see exactly what I mean. So, keep it up with the fatwas. Those are the only things standing between the world and total annihilation. Seriously guys, well done. *slow clap* *It was really a compilation of an entire month’s worth of news-stories on gender-based abuse with special emphasis on follow-ups. There are never any follow-ups. The experience was traumatic, to say the least. **This actually happened to multiple classmates. A random stranger doctored their Facebook profile pictures and attempted to blackmail them. People have a lot of time on their hands so I recommend everyone religiously review the privacy settings on each individual photo that they post online.

When we hear the word “activist”, we immediately think of khadi clad, jhola carrying men and women braving water cannons and lathi charges. But an activist is one who campaigns for social change of any kind, someone who identifies the rot in society and speaks about it. There are various degrees of activism and similarly various ways of showing dissent. Thomas Jefferson said,

“Dissent is the highest form of patriotism” and any thriving society needs such voices.

“It’s as impossible as a woman becoming a –”

There is certain redemption in resurgence. A feeling of hope and of renewal, of things starting anew, of setting the old wrongs right. Pakistani cinema has come up by leaps and bounds in the last few years. From a struggling franchise engulfed in out-dated ideas desperately clinging on in order to survive and become a booming industry reminiscent of the golden days and a slight peek into the wondrous possibilities that lie ahead. Pakistani cinema has finally arrived and as a keen devotee of this resurrection it is apparent that the film industry is here to stay. Although the current situation resembles a bed of roses, not long ago it was a reflection of a barren lifeless orchard that had been left to dwindle and wither away. During 2003 and 2013, only a handful of cinematic productions took place. Low quality in terms of production, acting and direction reduced the industry to ruins. The diminishing number of production houses led to low receipts that significantly contributed to this downturn, eventually perpetuating a vicious cycle that threatened to deluge the industry into oblivion. However, in 2014 and the years that have followed, the industry reinvented itself. Crowd pleasers like Jawani Phir Nahi Ani (2015) and Na Maloom Afrad (2014) appealed to the masses accumulating record collections in cinema houses all over the country. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBW7oZYgWRg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnCQHQ_yHms For many detractors though, this upturn in fortune had been achieved at an astounding cost. The industry had sold its soul to the devil and had become a sell-out, but then came Manto (2015) and Moor (2015). The duo introduced new standards of acting and direction that had never been seen before in the industry, so brilliant in their execution that everyone was taken back. The controversially nuance poet was brought to life with his plays, a tearful yet eye opening journey was revealed for all to see – something that had not been divulged before but had been done so beautifully that no one could argue that it was not worth the wait. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tnfx42fxCZU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lla1lNt0wLI However, success thrives on continuity rather than on resting on one’s laurels. It was imperative for the industry to further extend this run that had people flocking to cinema houses once again; a welcome sight for sore eyes and a vision that for most part of the last decade seemed implausible. What followed were stories of friendship and of romance, of estranged love and of war that had people clambering for tickets. More so the success of the industry is a reflection of all those that are a part of it. With Pakistani films doing exceedingly well on local and international platforms, technicians and actors have been in high demand ever since. Numerous singers and actors have made the inauspicious journey across the border. Fawad Khan, with his heart throbbing looks and renowned acting skills has entranced Indian audience, while actresses such as the gorgeous Mahira Khan has left everyone drooling at her natural charisma and beauty – a reflection of the abundance of talent that resides behind these troubled borders. However, as any keen critic would postulate, it is paramount that we look through this veil and analyse as to what is happening at the grass roots. While talking to a keen cinema enthusiast, who has been associated with the industry for most of his life, he said the real emergence lies in schools and universities that are the true building blocks of this revolution. He cited how universities used to be breeding grounds for cinematic brilliance. How writers, directors and actors grew and evolved in an environment that was hospitable to their creative desires. However, ever since the 80s and even today, state restrictions and narrative coupled with increasing religious fanaticism in educational institutions has emasculated this approach and the consequences of which still haunt us as a nation. What resulted was a severe dearth of quality writers, artists and film makers that gave rise to the capitulation of the industry itself. More so among the numerous problems that the industry faced and still does is the lack of funding available to adventure into new avenues. What ensued was the use of obsolete technologies and indigent payoffs to writers, technicians and artists, thus consequentially leading to a crippling of the whole network upon which the film industry functions. Perhaps the most profound effect is the fact that despite the upturn in recent years, our film industry is still light years behind Bollywood or Hollywood. New and evolving methodologies, ingenious scripts (more so in the case of Hollywood) and most importantly professionalism have sent quality and revenues through the roof. Access to worldwide audiences and considerable star appeal significantly contributes to their upturn and is an aspect that our local industry severely lacks. As an inquisitive observer of what has been cooked up by the industry, I sincerely believe that despite the recent upturns, the industry and its constituents have a long way to go. It is vital for the industry to not trade stimulating and challenging scripts and projects for idiotic and vulgar sell-outs that, at best, leave a bitter taste in the viewer’s mouth. Maintaining a sense of uniqueness while being open to outside influence is in my opinion, the cardinal factor that will determine the future for our industry. However, more so it is perhaps how the industry handles this upsurge in fortune that will eventually decide if it will bear fruit. As a nation, we have often been accused of taking a back-step when what was required was to take control and move to the next level. Continuous improvements are essential in terms of quality, writing and acting. The small screen has already mirrored the success that our entertainment industry can accumulate. Learning from their blueprint and improving upon their mistakes, all the while encouraging young talent, can be the foundation upon which the industry can prosper. A welcome change in this regard is the approach adopted by the Lahore University of Management Sciences (LUMS). LUMS as the only established liberal arts institute in Pakistan has been a heretic and a safe haven for creative enthusiasts since its inception. Leading this thought process is the LUMS Media and Arts society or LMA. Evolving and getting bigger every year, the society spearheads numerous projects throughout the year. Ranging from dramatics to film making, the society takes a keen interest in what it assumes to be its responsibility in aiding the development of future artists by providing avenues to showcase their work. Perhaps their most riveting projects include the Filums (LUMS International Film Festival) and the documentary on the majestic hills of northern Pakistan that is to be released soon. Filums – hosted annually by the LUMS Media Arts Society (LMA), is one of the largest student-organised film festivals in South Asia. It serves as an important platform for the youth, upcoming filmmakers and enthusiasts to showcase their talent and come together to celebrate their passion. Filum brings together both amateur and aspiring filmmakers and experts of the field resulting in a nourishing and fulfilling experience for those involved. Although small in comparison to what the society envisions, for it to grow over the coming years, programs such as this, amongst others, mean LUMS has taken the first step towards a long, albeit rewarding journey ahead.

We finally caught a glimpse of Karan Johar’s ambitious project, Ae Dil Hai Mushkil, starring Ranbir Kapoor, Anushaka Sharma, Aishwarya Rai Bachan and our very own Fawad Khan. What I gathered from the snippet is that the movie is fresh, dark, passionate and has a melodious soundtrack. This is Karan Johar’s first directorial venture after Student of the Year (2012). But Ae Dil Hai Mushkil is expected to be comparatively bigger, better and more appealing. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Ranbir Kapoor, Anushaka Sharma and our very own Fawad Khan.
Photo: Instagram[/caption] [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Karan Johar and Fawad Khan
Photo: Instagram[/caption] I am extremely excited about the following things. 1. Music Karan Johar is famous for the euphonious music in his movies. Nearly all his movies have chartbuster songs and I feel Ae Dil Hai Mushkil will not be any different. The teaser features the title song, sung by Arijit Singh and composed by Pritam. It’s my personal favourite. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Anushaka Sharma
Photo: Screenshot[/caption] [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Ranbir Kapoor
Photo: Screenshot[/caption] 2. The lead cast. Social media is abuzz after finding out about the lead cast. I mean who wouldn’t want to see Aishwarya, Ranbir, Anushka and Fawad Khan together in a movie? Eye candy and talent? I cannot wait to watch this movie. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Fawad Khan
Photo: Screenshot[/caption] [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Anushaka Sharma
Photo: Screenshot[/caption] [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Ranbir Kapoor and Aishwarya Rai Bachan
Photo: Screenshot[/caption] All the actors look absolutely gorgeous in the movie. It’s obvious that Karan Johar has worked hard on each of their looks, costumes and makeup. The four of them emote so perfectly that for a moment you forget a world outside the movie exists. There is hurt, there is loneliness, there is passion, there is aggression and there is sadness; brilliantly depicted by each of the actors. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Ranbir Kapoor and Anushaka Sharma
Photo: Screenshot[/caption] [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Ranbir Kapoor and Aishwarya Rai Bachan
Photo: Screenshot[/caption] [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Ranbir Kapoor and Anushaka Sharma
Photo: Screenshot[/caption] 3. Cinematography Just like he is known for his music, Karan Johar is also famous for picking gorgeous locations for his movies. London in Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham (2001), New York in Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna (2006) and Ae Dil Hai Mushkil in Europe and India. The film is shot in Vienna, Paris, Austria, London and Rajasthan. The teaser has aptly captured the true beauty of these places. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Aishwarya Rai Bachan
Photo: Screenshot[/caption] 4. Ranbir’s voiceover

“Ek tarfa pyar ki taaqat hi kuch aur hoti hai.. auro ke rishton ki tarah yeh do logon mein nahi bathti.. sirf mera haq hai ispe.” (Unrequited love has its own strength.. it doesn’t get divided between two people.. it is only mine to claim.)

Dear Soumyadipta Banerjee,   I don’t know if it’s the right thing to be writing you a letter, since you might be endorsing a cut-off of all sorts (of written collaborations between our countries) after so emphatically bashing the cultural ones. It might not even be the best time for you since I see your fellows are caught up in a frenzy of misjudging the Pakistani markings regarding the ammunition used in the Uri attacks. But I write to you because it’s necessary. You might not have singled out Fawad Khan in your letter but I evidently am addressing this to only you, since I do believe that many in your country still retain the basic sense and these are only your blatant misconceptions that I intend to discuss. I don’t know whether it’s a tragedy or a comedy that you are intent on portraying Bollywood as a resort for all unemployed Pakistan artists. Heck, you make it sound like a charity that would have put the late Abdul Sattar Edhi to shame. Accordingly, it’s convenient to pin-point a successful Fawad Khan (or your other options that include Mahira Khan, Rahat Fateh Ali Khan or Adnan Sami – all of whom have been duly hailed by your country), but not a failed Veena Malik or a Meera; who ran out of work in Bollywood as soon as they started since they couldn’t impress your audiences. That is the point exactly, Bollywood takes what sells. It isn’t doing any great service to the artists of my nation by hiring them out of pure sympathy. Just see the comments on the trailer of Ae Dil Hai Mushkil on YouTube, the people of your country are swooning over Fawad Khan so much that at places they even seem to over-shadow the lead of the movie. Producers are hiring Pakistani artists and paying them (something that you seem to mention quite often) because they are making money through them; it’s business, not altruism. You take the credit of making a superstar out of Fawad Khan ever so smoothly. But there’s a hitch: Fawad Khan was a superstar in Pakistan right when Humsafar aired in our country. All his subsequent serials were TRPs smashing. Friends from India tell me that Fawad Khan had won Indian hearts right when Zaroon was aired on Zindagi Channel. His stint in Indian cinema might have propelled his popularity slightly, but that’s what exposure does to you. Deepika Padukone didn’t become a superstar after landing a role opposite Vin Diesel; it was her credentials as a superstar that got her there. And I see no way how you can take the credit of his stardom for something as forgettable as Khoobsurat, a flick that was duly bashed by all your critics (“great films” you say, I reserve my comments). India didn’t make Fawad Khan a superstar, it roped him in because he was one already, and marketed the product where the demand was brewing already. Mahira Khan is another sweetheart of Pakistan. These are the highest paid celebrities in Pakistan, and the latter’s film in India hasn’t even released yet. The last point was just for your notice in case you try to claim Mahira Khan’s stardom in the future too. It’s grossly ignorant on your part to claim that while your country opens its doors ever so warmly to our country, we shut them in your face just as relentlessly. Can you please tell me how many Pakistani films have graced the screens of your country lately? While we have seen almost every Indian film playing in our country, if one of our films is lucky enough to be given the green signal by your country, it lands in trouble. The innocent Bin Roye was banned in Maharashtra, so you can definitely keep your intrinsic welcoming fantasy to yourself. Even if some Indian films are banned in Pakistan, they have baggage attached to them. Expect us to screen a Phantom in our country only if you agree to show a Waar in yours. We also know that all Pakistani channels are banned in India, despite you agreeing that Pakistani serials are way better than Indian ones. Here you might be surprised to learn that every single Pakistani channel buys Indian content and plays it on our channels, despite Indian channels also airing in most parts of the country. All your excruciating daily soaps (and God knows those things are liable to be banned only due to the sheer insanity they portray) are actually bought by Pakistan just as your films are. We are not just welcoming to your content, but also a revenue-generating market for you. So kindly cut us some slack, and do the math! You seem indignant on the view that Indian artists aren’t allowed to work in Pakistan. Well, you may want to take a back-seat and question any among Nandita Das, Naseeruddin Shah and Om Puri among others in this regard, all of whom have portrayed essential roles in Pakistani films. Neha Dhupia has even done an item number here. We have had songs sung by Sonu Nigam, Shreya Ghoshal, Harsdeep Kaur, Rekha Bhardwaj, Ankit Tiwari and Sukhwinder Singh amongst others in our films, despite our music industry being second to none, and many among your population also seem to testify to this fact. We have even had Indian singers on our Coke Studio, which is the rage all over the sub-continent. Kareena Kapoor, Sonam Kapoor, Nargis Fakhri, Sidhart Malhotra, Amrita Arora, Arjun Kapoor and many others have been a part of our advertisement campaigns, and you know better, those things pay quite well. You talk about piracy as if Pakistan has a monopoly on it. Sorry to burst your bubble, but it’s an international issue. You should remember Udta Punjab as we remember Jawani Phir Nahi Aani, both films pirated in the very country they were made by. You play the higher ground by narrating how Pakistani artists have been showered with love in India. You might not have gotten to see that, but every single Indian celebrity who has ever come to Pakistan has gone back waxing lyrical about the sheer amount of adulation and admiration they’ve received in Pakistan. You can either ask me to send you the links of their interviews or ask Mahesh Bhatt or Zeenat Aman yourself; just don’t ask Anupam Kher – but guide him on the process of applying for a visa. We have even been borderline welcoming to your director making propaganda films against our country, while one of your own actresses has been charged with sedition for stating something as innocuous as Pakistan is not hell. This tells us something about our attitudes, doesn’t it? So let’s just do away with playing Mother Teresa! And now, the most important point, you charge Fawad Khan for not denouncing his own country, but getting away with the charming smile of his every-time. Except that that isn’t his job. How would you feel if Hollywood starts seeking an apology from Priyanka Chopra every time an Indian is lynched for eating beef in your country? It’s not the job of artists to do what politicians are supposed to do. As Kamila Shamsie puts it, let’s not shift this burden from the shoulders of those responsible even one inch to those already engaging in exchange of culture and good-will. Fawad Khan doesn’t have to carry the baggage of his nationality this way, just as you don’t hold your celebrities accountable for the actions of your state. In fact, how can you even stoop to the level of charging Fawad Khan with something some non-state actors from Pakistan might have done, when your own celebrities don’t bat an eyelid for the persecutions your state officially does? Isn’t your all-time leading superstar associated with a party that orchestrated the Gujarat riots? Have you ever questioned him? How many of your celebrities have avowed against the draconian Armed Forces (Special Powers) Act in Kashmir, or the blinding of innumerable folks with pellet guns in that burning state? When you’re so intent on pointing out the alleged blood on Fawad Khan’s hands, how can you brush off the blood from the conscience of one of your own in a blink of an eye? The blood that was split by your state with a proper agenda, not even some lunatic groups going astray. You cannot choose to look the other way when it comes to you, while trying to limit our focus to the loopholes erratically emanating from our place. When your celebrities don’t take it upon themselves to apologise for something their state is doing, why should Fawad Khan take the responsibility of something his state isn’t even directly involved in? You try to be a humanist, but all you end up becoming is a hyper-nationalist jingoist. If there’s an equation of the cultural exchange between our countries, the balance shifts overwhelmingly in favour of Pakistan. We watch your films, telecast your shows, and listen to your songs; we know a lot more about your country that you have ever known about us. Your ignorance about us is what leads to you writing apparent love letters full of hatred to the likes of Fawad Khan. You know how many Pakistanis have been killed due to terrorism? More than 50,000. Innocents, largely unnamed, faceless Pakistanis. Our civil society, our community, our media, our children and lately, even our establishment, is trying extremely hard to get rid of the scourge of terrorism. If you cannot help us with that, kindly do not insult us by bickering nonsensically out of the blue. Oh, and people didn’t even know you before you started your rant against Fawad Khan. Now the whole sub-continent is talking about you (not very kindly, but hey, no publicity is bad publicity). So the next time you ignorantly claim that your country made Fawad Khan a super-star, always remember that it was due to this very same Pakistani star that you got your two minutes of fame. Do visit Pakistan someday, please, to let go of the sheer bias you have against us. I, along with most other Pakistanis, will be very happy to show you around. And I promise, we won’t even consistently remind you of how much we’ve spent on you! Love from a Pakistani. PS: Fawad Khan is from Lahore, not Karachi.

To ask a Pakistani actor to go back to his country when there has allegedly been a terrorist attack on Indian soil by Pakistanis, is both stupid and understandable. The citizens ask for quick retaliation and, as always, people in the world of arts, culture and film are the softest targets. The Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (MNS), sensing the public pulse, cashed in on the anger and gave Pakistani actors and artists a 48-hour ultimatum to leave India. And mind you, a lot of Indians are irate with the presence of the Pakistani artists in India. That does not make them right or wrong, but that is true. The question is why. On the other hand, Pakistani actor Fawad Khan has a huge fan following among women. Unlike Indian men, Indian women are not that gung-ho about sending the Kapoor & Sons star back home. Are Indian women less patriotic? Nobody knows, nobody is inside their head. The MNS has threatened Karan Johar that the party will halt the release of Ae Dil Hai Mushkil which stars Fawad Khan. If one goes through the comments section of news posts regarding Pakistani actors versus MNS fracas, you will find that it is mostly men who are clamouring for the actor to move out. Why so? Actually, Indian men hate Fawad Khan for the same reason they hate Shoaib Malik. How dare this Pakistani man enter the hearts (and homes) of our Indian girls? Well, he did. There is no going back from that. Fawad was destined to become a star in the subcontinent. He did not enter India with ‘I’m Karan Johar’s boy’ plastered on his forehead. He came to India with the hit Pakistani TV show Zindagi Gulzar Hai (ZGH) on Zindagi channel. Suddenly, Indian housewives, tired with the saas-bahu-kavach-daayan nonsense, were watching a sombre, polite TV serial about what appeared to be ‘real people’. And in the middle of it was a very handsome, accessible man who behaved like a normal human being, unlike the ordinary-looking, ordinary male actors one would find in Indian TV shows. Zindagi Gulzar Hai ran for only 25 episodes. By that time, Indian women had found their drug. But their Fawad-fix was not satiated. So Zindagi offered Fawad in measured doses. After ZGH ended, the channel ran the promo of Fawad’s telefilm Behadd on loop, teasing the audience and gauging their response. Then, as Khoobsurat (Fawad’s Bollywood debut) was about to release, the channel started airing the promos of Fawad’s highly popular show Humsafar. So, in a way, Fawad Khan has been in the Indian woman’s heart for a long, long time. Indian women have a lot more at stake, emotionally and sentimentally, in Fawad Khan. Indian men look at this sudden anomaly as a threat. And indeed, his uniqueness and exoticness was furthered propelled by the kind of roles he did in Bollywood. In Khoobsurat, Fawad played a Rajasthani prince, a distant, inaccessible, hard-to-reach and hard-to-get man. In that film, neither did he dance nor did he stalk the heroine. He did not get naked and bare his entire torso. He was dignified, stoic, spartan, the ultimate ‘Complete Man’ Raymond suiting and shirting could get. And, well, Indian girls had found their new crush, so very different from the chhichhoda (cheap) heroes they had been subjected to for years, and Indian moms found their template for the perfect son-in-law. Fawad’s next film Kapoor & Sons had him play a gay man. Again, he got the ‘mature guy’ role as opposed to his co-star Sidharth Malhotra who had to shake a leg to Badshah’s song. Most importantly, his gay character was not an effeminate stereotype. He appeared ‘human’. This ‘humanness’ has been the key to Fawad’s popularity. He is both accessible and inaccessible (he is from across the border, guys). The Indian man cannot understand this. So, either he tries to ignore him. Or hate him. And what better opportunity than a Pak attack for these men to publicly outrage against Fawad? Or, perhaps, there is more to it. It is indeed a fact that Fawad has still not publicly condemned the Uri attacks. This is truly unlike him, as he did express grievance during the November 2015 Paris attacks on Twitter. So did the Pakistani singer-actor Ali Zafar and VJ-turned-actor Mahira Khan who will soon be seen in Shah Rukh Khan’s Raees. Mahira went on to criticise the Orlando club shooting as well. But, somehow, when there has been a terrorist attack in India, the country that has given them stardom, fame, and money beyond what Pakistan could possibly give, they are strangely silent. And this has not gone down well with ‘patriotic Indians’, both the polite kind and the kind to vilify any secular commentator on social media as a ‘Porkistani’ who needs to be deported. In all likelihood, neither Fawad nor Mahira or Ali Zafar will be sent back to Pakistan. Money is more important than religion or nationality in India, and when crores are at stake, power players will ensure that nothing as absurd as Fawad’s expulsion happens. Be that as it may, the question remains: After all this, will Indian men ever warm up to Fawad Khan? Will Indian men ever cosy up to him as they have to, say a Ranveer or a Varun? Time will tell. This post originally appeared on IndiaToday.in.

Thank God for Fawad Khan and Mahira Khan, their powers are unlimited! Now that they are back in Pakistan, India is safe and the Indian actors whose jobs they took or whose films (see Ajay Devgn) might have flopped because of their magical presence in side roles or extended cameos are even safer. However, don’t underestimate the power these two extraordinary individuals possess, one tweet from them, one line on Facebook, or just a simple press release and the entire Kashmir issue would be resolved. It is just amazing how selfish they are by holding back, when a little effort on their part would fix a problem that generations of politicians, wars, blood and treasure have not been able to resolve. After facing a barrage of hostility from a war mongering, hyper-nationalistic Indian press for the crime of being Pakistani, they are now getting a drubbing from the arm chair patriots at home. Instead of supporting our own artists, a lot of Pakistani’s are acting like extras from a surreal adaptation of Arthur Miller’s The Crucible. Just as the actors’ silence was taken as a sign of complicity, now their short, carefully worded statements are being parsed and forensically analysed for signs of treachery and opportunism. “Why didn’t they specifically mention Kashmir?” is the big question on one side of the border, while the other side is waiting for a mention of the Uri victims. Being a huge drama fan myself, I have no doubt that the minute Asher and Khirad say those words, everything will be okay. Still, there are the cynical (and rational) who think putting pressure on their respective governments and politicians might be a better idea. To those keyboard warriors: your indignation rings hollow and hypocritical. If your empathy is reserved only for those who look like you, share the same religion as you or are on the same side of the border as you, then you have already failed the basic test of humanity. Meanwhile, full time patriot and part time actor Shaan Shahid, is posting about how pro Pakistan he is while shooting a remake of an Indian film, Arth 2. If being “pro Pakistan” means wearing tight black T-shirts and putting fellow actors down, then he has succeeded beyond his wildest dreams. No one is asking (quite rightly) Ali Zafar, Atif Aslam, Saba Qamar, Rahat Fateh Ali Khan, Mawra Hocane, Sajal Ali and Adnan Siddiqui who have all worked (or are working) on Indian projects for their opinion on Kashmir or whether they ‘support’ ( another euphemism for ‘are you patriotic enough?’) the army. Fawad Khan and Mahira Khan should not have to face any of these questions either, both have been exemplary ambassadors for brand Pakistan and have done nothing to deserve such scrutiny. More recently, Afzal, oops I mean Hamza Ali Abbasi weighed in on the topic with a characteristically blunt ‘either you are an Ostrich or you are not an Ostrich – pick a side’ statement. Again, being a huge Pyarey Afzal fan, I agree; moderation is for the weak , and we must all immediately take sides, in a  ‘them verses us’ scenario, because it has been so effective in the past. We’ve had three wars – I’m certain the fourth one will do the trick. Taking a cue from Hamza Bhai’s interest in Nazi sympathisers, if we must learn something from actual history (as opposed to random Wikipedia articles), perhaps a word from the horse’s mouth might be in order: [caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="600"] Photo: Twitter[/caption] The cherry on the cake has to be Amir Liaqat weighing in. This is a man whose greatest contribution to national security is feeding someone mangoes and giving away lawn suites. Perhaps he has forgotten that there is a difference between starring in a three minute trailer as a soldier and actually being one. But, then again, we get the patriots we deserve. Even more disturbing is Karan Johar’s recent statement of public penance, reminiscent of a badly made hostage video; this maybe the final proof that he should stay away from any attempt at minimalist film noir and stick to opulent Punjabi weddings. His affirmations of patriotism and promises to not work with actors from the ‘neighbouring country’ are a sad climb down from his previous statement about boycotts and bans:

“But this is not a solution. I don’t believe it is. The larger forces have to come together and sort the situation, and this cannot be banning talent or art.”

“Yeh toh mummy ka plan tha.” This was mom’s plan.

Now that I have your attention – maybe a bit too much of it – you will find out soon enough that this piece has nothing to do with the headline. It is so far off from what you thought it would be that it gives me the perfect opportunity to convey my point. These headlines are click-bait, a strategy media outlets are now using to gather pace on social media, since that is where most traffic originates from. Relatively unknown ‘news’ organisations, such as FHM, Brands Magazine, ProPakistani, and others within the Pakistani landscape, are proving to be quite the hit with their click-bait strategy, thus increasing their reach in the online world and gathering big bucks in the advertising world. But it comes at your expense. Recently, FHM published a story, claiming similar to a prophecy, that Starbucks will enter the Pakistani market. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Relatively unknown ‘news’ organisations are proving to be quite the hit with their click-bait strategy.
Photo: Screenshot[/caption] [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="431"] Needless to say, the story went viral.
Photo: Screenshot[/caption] The story, by journalistic standards, would not have passed the editor’s test. It had no official version but claimed that the American coffee chain would enter Pakistan on the basis of sources. Needless to say, the story went viral. It gathered so much attention that mainstream media outlets gave up their routine work to follow the development. Editors were asked to pursue the story, mainly because everyone wanted to be the first to confirm the development. In less than a week, Starbucks gave its official version; it wasn’t planning any such move. In another case, ProPakistani published a story, claiming that a Chinese firm was planning to manufacture Direct-to-home (DTH) receivers in Pakistan, prompting news outlets to pursue the case. The story went viral on the basis of its headline. If people had bothered to read the actual content, they would have realised that the story was based on a mere meeting of Chinese officials where they expressed their ‘intention to set up a plant’. Pakistani officials were yet to give their go-ahead. The headline was misleading and was only meant to serve one purpose: to make it go viral. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] The headline was misleading and was only meant to serve one purpose: to make it go viral.
Photo: Screenshot[/caption] In a world where a chaiwala gets more attention than rape victims get support, the mainstream media’s responsibility is greater than it has been ever before. Worryingly, the trend has started to catch on. Media is no longer concerned with bombings all around the world, or how patients of mental diseases need support. It is concerned with numbers, numbers derived from the public’s attention. A chaiwala’s eyes are not newsworthy; they make for good discussions, but don’t deserve airtime on news channels in a country where every single day bomb blasts occur, intellectuals are killed, and men/women are killed over so-called honour. But those eyes take away the attention. The public says the media is obsessed with Meera’s English and Shahid Afridi-Javed Miandad fight. It is. But the content stems from the public’s demand for such scandals. News channels are not meant for entertainment. But that is all they have become. Why else would Bollywood songs become a part of news packages? Another apt example is that of The Logical Pakistan, a Facebook page whose recent post on co-education schools garnered close to a million views. Its prime and only, argument was that schools and colleges have ‘become’ dating hubs, subtly contending that this is not the place to send your kids. Is that the kind of video that should float around? Doesn’t the argument, by its transitive property, mean that offices are dating hubs as well? Let’s not go down this tricky road. This is a time when journalism has taken the back seat. Well-researched and balanced articles get lost in oblivion, while click-bait headlines, blue eyes, and celebrity scandals remain at the forefront. It’s not entirely the media’s fault that its work has been reduced to the superficial, meaningless chore of producing stories that go viral. It’s the people who are also responsible for pushing true journalism to a corner. In such an environment, it is hardly surprising that a reporter lays down in Edhi sahab’s grave or a reporter pushes a child to cry on camera. In a fast-paced world where no one has the time to verify any news, sharing it at will to reinforce preconceived notions, the dangers of hate crime and stereotyping are higher than ever before. Why don’t we all take a backseat and ponder over this thought rather than seeking likes and comments on our social media profiles? What is the difference then between us and media outlets seeking traffic and ad revenue? We are all in the same boat and share the same responsibility. If it’s unethical to report unverified news, it is unethical to share it too.

There are some actors that directors and writers depend on a bit too much, even more than they should. Everyone in Pakistan wants to be the next Anwar Maqsood and Moin Akhtar (late) combination. But it’s not as easy it sounds. I suppose Fasih Bari Khan thought he could build the same association with Hina Dilpazeer. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohAxgZkoxKc The recently released telefilm Jeewan Hathi is hardly 65–70 minutes long and features Hina Dilpazeer, Samiya Mumtaz, Kiran Tabeer, Adnan Jaffar, Saife Hassan, Fawad Khan and Naseeruddin Shah. Let’s see what this elephant has to offer. Jeewan Hathi revolves around the lives of people involved in the television industry; an ageing TV hostess (Hina Dilpazeer) and the owner of a famous TV channel she is married to (Naseeruddin Shah). [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Hina Dilpazeer plays an ageing TV hostess.[/caption] The movie is about how Dilpazeer feels once she discovers that her husband plans to replace her with a much younger presenter and give her a grander morning show. He also plans to marry the replacement. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Naseeruddin Shah as the owner of a famous TV channel.[/caption] Jeewan Hathi also features a married couple that participates in a morning show to win a 60 inch colour LED TV. The movie  goes on to unveil what happens when the media gets involved in their lives. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] A married couple that participates in a morning show to win a 60 inch colour LED TV.[/caption] Performance wise, Jeewan Hathi is a terrible attempt. Hina Dilpazeer is a huge let down. Considering the level of performance she delivered earlier this year on a small screen, Jeewan Hathi is anything but impressive. She wasted her opportunity by not doing justice to a character that had so much potential; a range of emotions and expressions that were not successfully conveyed. Naseeruddin Shah only emerges in the movie for two scenes and a song; thus, his character is wasted as well, as his capabilities were not utilised efficiently. Considering Naseeruddin Shah’s calibre, Jeewan Hathi is one of his below average characters. Adnan Jaffar is bad, he’s good looking but he seems to enact the same role he played in Jalaibee. Samiya Mumtaz is just passable. Saife Hasan is simply unbearable; he gets on your nerves. The only actors who performed fairly well are Fawad Khan and Kiran Tabeer. Jeewan Hathi’s soundtrack is also hardly noticeable. With respect to directing, Meenu Gaur and Farjad Nabi fail to add any substance – to the extent that I’m not even sure if they took that part seriously, considering it just didn’t add up on screen. Jeewan Hathi is an attempt at comedy, featuring a horrible script under the guise of wit. Most of the jokes surround the sizes of the blouses women from Pakistan and India wear. Secondly, the movie is sleazy and distastefully vulgar, which adds to how disappointing Jeewan Hathi is. Comedies that involve sexual content can be successful, provided that it is derived by a mind that can develop the content maturely. In Jeewan Hathi’s case it’s just plain bad. The writer and actors thought the audience would find humour in jokes involving ‘chaddi’ and ‘baniyan’ sellers or by using the term ‘sissy’. Come on – the audience isn’t interested in watching a clichéd and immature sense of humour comprising of juvenile jokes, repeated accents, and below average entertainment on a silver screen. All photos: screenshots

Nobody does crazy like Pakistan. In 2016, the world lost their collective cool and Pakistan was put on the crazy back burner. But that does not mean we didn’t have our moments. It is time to acknowledge those moments. The strangest out of all the weird stories, the most real-fake news, as well as the funniest – let’s honour the best. Presenting, the Social Media Awards for 2016! From sacrificing goats before flying planes to kabootar agents, from stationary dharnas to mankind’s angels, from chai walas to Momina; these are my favourite stories from last year. The time for politics is over; we are in the age of the celebrity – Donald Trump is president. The victor of the 2018 elections in Pakistan may depend on who is trending today! The nominees are: 1. Momina Mustehsan – Coke Studio has never had so many people listen to their songs on mute. 2. Arshad Chaiwala – because.. blue eyes! 3. Fawad Khan – have you seen him? Pakistan and India almost went to war over him. 4. Hamza Ali Abbasi – I love Pakistan. PTI4lyfe. Plz share. 5. Shafaat Ali – the easiest way to make Pakistanis laugh is by mimicking their politicians. We love our mimics! 6. Junaid Akram – khalli karao 7. Nasir Khan Jan And the winner is: Arshad Chaiwala. Why? Because, I repeat, blue eyes! Ideally this award would be given to the moments where Hamza Ali Abbasi says anything, but he got nominated in the previous category so let’s give someone else a shot. The nominees are: 1. The ban on Indian Movies – how dare they send Fawad Khan back? ... wait we should be thanking them for that; Fawad Khan is back! 2. Every Facebook comment thread on an Express Tribune story – you are no more than two degrees away from every story being made about Pakistan–India. 3. Trolling India over Pakistan becoming the number one Test team of the year – finally proving the two nation theory! 4. Imran Khan announcing a new date for the dharna – March 2016. 5. Imran Khan announcing a new date for the dharna – June 2016. 6. Imran Khan announcing a new date for the dharna – October 2016. 7. Imran Khan announcing a new date for the dharna – November 2016. 8.  ___________________________________ (keep space in case Imran Khan announces a new date for a dharna in December) And the winner is: Farhan Khan Virk. He doesn’t have to be invited to get into every conversation. 2016 was the year that patriarchy was challenged more vehemently on social media than ever before. Even so, some men around the world stuck to their ideas of masculinity. We would like to reward these men with a slow clap. The nominees are: 1. The Indian man who sought a divorce after being called a mota haathi (fat elephant). 2. The Saudi man who divorced his four wives so he could marry four others. 3. Qandeel Baloch’s brother. 4. Rana Sanaullah – because moochain. 5. Commander Safeguard 6. Hafiz Hamdullah for assaulting Marvi Sirmed during a live show on News One. And the winner is: Qandeel Baloch was the internet personality of the year for 2016 which made the news of her brothers actions spread like wildfire. But his actions were deplorable and inexcusable. So, Saaf Saaf Pakistan – Congratulations Commander Safeguard. The typical Pakistani reaction to ‘bold’ videos is,

“Taubah, taubah. Astaghfar. Haw, haye. How could they do this? ….. Acha phir say chalao.”

It’s said that the car you choose to buy depends on, well, your budget. But the condition you maintain it in depicts your personality and love for it. The way you drive it is a reflection of your state of mind. So who exactly would want to buy Suzuki’s latest attempt to transform itself in the eyes of the Pakistani public? Perhaps, that is the reason why it’s labelling it as a “game-changer”. After all, its signature product, the Mehran, has remained static, passing onto the next generation like a family heirloom no one wants. A comparison is unfair, though. If one could forget Suzuki’s relationship with Pakistan, which is a difficult task since it is the most common vehicle out on the road; one is almost inclined at giving Vitara a second look. It’s priced at Rs3.79 million for the “loaded” model, as one would like to phrase it, and Rs3.49 million for the basic variant. In those Rs300, 000 – which was the price of Mehran not too long ago – one gets a panoramic glass roof, parking sensors, LED daytime running lamps, keyless entry, and push start features among other smaller add-ons. The Suzuki Vitara becomes the latest to join a growing club of crossover SUVs that are slightly more affordable than the traditional beasts on offer such as the Land Cruiser Prado and Land Cruiser from Toyota. Honda’s Vezel and HR-V – the imported compact SUVs – are the only competitors, given that a comparison with Audi’s Q2 would be unfair for several reasons. Talks are rife of another competitor on its way, though. The drive Vitara’s 1.6L engine is loud if you push it, becoming increasingly clear that the car is actually making an effort for you. The noise can be annoying and might tease you into slowing down a notch. Its stable, has good traction and grip with the road, so higher speeds would be good for the highways given that Pakistan’s roads, traffic, potholes, and haphazardly stopping buses don’t allow for much speeding anyway. The paddle shift gears are a good feel and force the 10-2 position a driver must adopt while driving a vehicle. Its size is close to the 2016 Vezel and its horsepower is hovering near the same level. The kerb weight is just five kilograms apart. So they are close competitors in terms of space, dimensions and body weight. But within the model, the Vitara has come a long way from the 1990s when smaller, two-door-with luggage-space was seen in Pakistan. The Grand Vitara, which Suzuki introduced a decade ago, was highly unsuccessful due to multiple reasons including price. The Vitara, which Suzuki so proudly affiliates with actor Fawad Khan to appeal to a younger generation, may not meet the same fate. According to sources, 120 of the 170 units imported have already been sold. This addition to the Suzuki family may very well be a welcome one given that this Japanese company has always thrived on lower prices, lower-quality vehicles and high volumes. We are thrilled to see that the concept of an airbag will finally be applied to a Suzuki vehicle. Vitara will not be driven on volume. It’s a niche car, meant for people who want the feel of a SUV, but don’t want to spend all the moolah on it. Is it affordable? For the majority, no. But is it worth the money? Probably. This is the first Suzuki vehicle that may well attract attention due to its features. Suzuki has made the effort and thought of Pakistan as a worthy market, finally. Its previous attempt, the Rs5 million Kizashi, failed to create that impression. For a little under Rs4 million, the Vitara seems like good value for money. It doesn’t have too many competitors at this point in time and that is an added bonus for a company ridiculed to have looted Pakistani consumers for at least two generations. [poll id="731"]

There is no doubt about Karan Johar’s immense talent. He sees Bollywood from a unique eye that captures its essence as well as its soul – what he creates on the big screen is nothing short of magical. In a gargantuan $4.5 billion industry like Bollywood, Johar and Dharma alone stand at $200 million. Johar combines the idyllic with the marketable. He is truly a dream merchant – whether it is when Shah Rukh Khan runs towards Kajol in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai or Deepika Padukone and Ranbir Kapoor dance at a wedding –Johar has a unique eye and an irreplaceable ethos that truly and most fittingly describes the indescribable industry of Bollywood. In the recent past, however, Johar’s battle with the bhakts (Indian nationalists) and his unspoken expression of his sexuality have garnered him enough negative attention that is also part and parcel of Bollywood. He was pressured endlessly for chopping out Fawad Khan’s scenes in Ae Dil Hai Mushkil (there were even reports of changing the storyline completely to suit the patriots), he is also often hated on mercilessly on social media by misogynist trolls with slurs calling him gay, transgender and, perhaps the worst insult known to misogynist trolls: effeminate. Johar has always seemed poised under pressure, graceful under attack and beautifully eloquent about such instances. However, when it comes to Kangana Ranaut, Johar is out of his depth. Ranaut’s story could not possibly be more different than Johar’s. And perhaps, if I may be so bold as to say, Ranaut’s true life story is more magical than all of Johar’s films combined. Here was a girl from a small town in Himachal Pradesh, who left her family and her home to pursue a dream. She, quite literally in most Dickensian fashion, has lived on bread and pickles, paid her dues, worked hard and succeeded despite all odds. She was type casted, she was hated, she was laughed at, she was mocked, and she was rejected. Yet she stood to her ground, unwavering. She became the critics’ darling and was awarded the National Award thrice; in her famous hit, Queen, the rest of the world fell irrevocably in love with her too. Her star soared. And she only made herself better from then onwards. From her fashion sense and her English to learning her craft even more, Ranaut kept on reinventing herself. She was shamed in the media because of her personal life, she was rejected by media moguls like Johar himself. But she persisted. She stayed. And like a true modern day heroine, after all that happened, she slayed. Their paths crossed because Ranaut was on her way up to stardom and Johar was the embodiment of the many obstacles that she had to come to terms with. Johar, in his own words, accepted to the rejection that he frankly put before her. He had written her off. Much like he had written Anushka Sharma off when Yash Raj had signed her. Sharma minced words and took Johar’s dismissal with a smile. Ranaut took no prisoners. Johar is as privileged as Bollywood starlets come. Shahrukh Khan and Kareena Kapoor are his best friends. His dad already had a strong repute in the film industry that was given to him in a platter – as compared to Ranaut, who had to make it on her own completely. Johar was rich, successful and protected – the maximum amount of trolling he faced was on Twitter and by the bhakts for casting Fawad Khan, about which he has gone on to speak at considerable lengths. If he doesn’t find that problematic, why does he find Ranaut’s rant problematic? Why ask Ranaut to leave the industry if she decided to aim at Johar? Would he like it if someone else told him the same thing, post Ae Dil Hai Mushkil? If someone else told him about the constant harassment he faces for his sexual preferences, would he like it if someone asked him to shut up or stay quiet if he didn’t like the harassment? It is also sad that whenever big stars and men of privilege encounter an opinionated woman who speaks up about the way she was (unfairly) treated, they immediately resort to telling them ‘not to use the woman card’. Johar was recently quoted in saying she was playing the ‘victim’ and he was ‘tired of it’ and if the industry is so bad, she ought to ‘leave it’. The story is all-too-familiar. Whether it is Amber Heard fighting a domestic violence case against ‘beloved’ star Johnny Depp or Kesha fighting a harassment case against Dr Luke, somehow or the other, modern media finds a way to blame the woman. Add a man of privilege adding to this narrative, it reeks of hypocrisy and misogyny. In an industry dominated by families and cliques, Ranaut stood out and proved everyone wrong. If Johar is as true to his craft as he says he is, if he is as sincere to newcomers (which he claims Dharma is) as he says he is, he should have taken Ranaut’s life and her comments in Koffee with Karan as a lesson. Instead, disappointing many fans such as myself who have always loved his movies, his banter and his ability to take criticism with a laugh, his snide remarks about Ranaut proved that Johar’s the good of Bollywood – as well as the bad and the ugly. In befitting fashion, Ranaut took to Mumbai Mirror to respond. Her interview said everything that was on the mind of many people who supported her. She replied in her classic forthright manner, and what a reply it was! It only made people like me love her more. She acknowledged her privilege (which Mr Johar conveniently ignored to do about his own position in Bollywood) and rejected the claim that she was a victim. She went on to talk about how she had worked hard and achieved many goals and did it on her own terms. She also clarified to Johar what the ‘woman card’ actually meant. Her interview was to the point. It was no holds barred. Ranaut addressed every flippant allegation that Johar had sent her way with aplomb and logic. We don’t know if Johar will respond in kind but if I were Johar, I’d just let Ranaut win this one. Because with the kind of voice that she commands and the kind of respect that she has garnered by her own hard work and determination is not something that can be ignored or subjugated at all.

“The ‘woman card’ might not help you become a Wimbledon champ, or win you Olympic medals, or bag National awards. It might not even land you a job, but it can get a pregnant woman, who feels her water is about to break, a ‘ladies’ seat on a crowded bus. It can be used as a cry for help when you sense a threat. The same goes for the ‘victim card’, which women like my sister, Rangoli, who is a victim of an acid attack, can use while fighting for justice in court.”

I am a closet drama viewer. There I said it. I am even part of a WhatsApp group that discusses and disses with equal panache anything on either side of the border and beyond. I don’t exactly recollect when this love fest started, perhaps it was as a child in my hometown Jalandhar in Punjab where we would excitedly catch an erratic signal from across the border telecasting the black and white drama Sona Chandi or maybe the reception was so blurry that we couldn’t really tell any colours! Then came ‘Tanhaiyan’ followed soon after by the iconic ‘Dhoop Kinare’, which we watched repeatedly on borrowed DVDs. In fact, recently, there was an abysmal attempt to imitate the latter in an Indian version but there can only be one Marina Khan. No one comes close to that bubbly flawless persona. Back home, we got distracted as one after the other the Khan men came jumping from behind the trees and charmed us with the enticing option of watching them on the big screen at the cinema. But Shah Rukh Khan flailing his arms towards the sky can be romantic only just that many times, Salman Khan’s action increasingly became more in real than real life and Aamir Khan got busy searching for the perfect role rather than starring in one. Somewhere in the back of our minds we heard of saas-bahu’s taking over daily prime time but while the majority of the country fell for it hook, line and ‘bindi’ some of us remained in denial. Then like a breath of fresh air another Khan entered our make believe world. Fawad Khan made us watch ‘Humsafar’ and ‘Zindagi Gulzar hai’ back to back on loop and after years we bought a DVD just so we could watch the film ‘Khuda Ke Liye’. Soon came the handsome boy of Humsafar who won a wife but failed the trust test became an even bigger heartthrob in our part of the sub-continent. The plot took a backseat. But alas, every story must end and every actor in the sub-continent must head to Bollywood. As consolation we were told, ‘don’t worry there are many Fawads in our country’. Our excitement was short-lived, now we have neither the movies nor the dramas. The one channel that legally broadcast Pakistani dramas has now switched to Korean! By now even with the best of intentions we had given up on our dramas. Unlike Pakistani shows which are finite series, the Indian ones can go on for years where even the actors forget what the original storyline was. In one such serial the lead actress must be applauded for holding on, the character opposite her was played by four different actors. The story usually is more pain than twist, the sound effects even over a family dinner feel surreal, like eating a sit down dinner in a war zone and the clothes, well even today women are dressed in their wedding finery slogging over an ancient kitchen stove. That’s the other thing we liked about Pakistani dramas. If the actor was middle class, he lived in the by-lanes with exposed electricity wires surrounding him unlike here in India where even the poorest character cooks in a fancy open kitchen with coloured walls. If the hero was meant to have a bad day, it showed in the way his or her hair or clothes were in disarray. In other words, not contrived. But in recent times, the x-factor that kept us hooked to Pakistani dramas seems to have gone missing. The last series that I tried watching, I left it mid-way after realising every episode was more of the same anger and angst and not very different from some of the Indian shows where the story doesn’t move but the plot is lost. Initially the tragedy of Humsafar was profound but now increasingly several stories seem morose and depressing. Why does every second drama have a cancer patient or a storyline where nothing moves until someone has died? Plots do not always need a tragedy to make them profound. Not just that, the stories now seem repetitive sometimes even regressive and are making me take back my words that television across the border is more progressive. Sadly, it seems these days there isn’t much to choose between the two. It is normal for an Indian drama to torture us with its endless story line and a stereotypical villain who is far from subtle. The formula for dealing with diminishing Target Rating Points (TRP) is to ‘leap’ a few years and start again at the beginning, sometimes with a plastic surgery that fails to hide our despair. The one gap that seems to be diminishing though is between the actors from both the sides. There are a handful of actors, who can give Fawad Khan or any of the other popular Pakistani actors a run for their rupees. While Pakistani dramas have always been a reflection of their buzzing music scene, these days some of the tracks back home have also broken away from the commercial to strike the right note. As far as the ladies go, there is still not much to write about yet a lot. While we watched their acting just as much as their clothes across the border and it is perhaps a reason why every small corner boutique sells a ‘Pakistani’ dress while back home we watch for how not to dress! The makeup seems even louder after a good night’s sleep and you can get lost in a jungle overnight without even your handbag, yet a new pair of clothes will miraculously appear. It’s not that Indian serials were always this predictable. A couple of decades ago when Indian television was only just discovering the drama genre, we had ‘Buniyaad’, ‘Hum Log’ and a few more which still remain a benchmark. Maybe this time our friends across the border can buy a few DVDs. Until then, I wait for another Diyare-Dil. Entertainment thankfully knows no boundaries.